Almost cooking: pasta sauce from a jar.

Guys, I suck at cooking. Well, no, I don’t. I’m great at cooking. For myself. For people who CAN eat gluten, all veggies, all meat, y’know, normal food, it’s more of a crap shoot. Emphasis on crap. If a recipe is gluten free, my brother hates it. No questions asked. It’s a mental thing, I’m sure. Because I’ve slipped him cookies that were definitely gluten free and he liked them, asked for more, and upon being told they were gluten free, declared they were awful. So when I have to cook for my dad and brother, I either make something that would be normally gluten free (like rice based dishes), or make a separate gluten free portion for myself. Doing the latter is easiest when I’m making pasta, because then I can just make the sauce, and boil past for my dad and brother, and a smaller pot for myself. I don’t like just opening a jar of sauce and being done with it. While some sauces come with meat and mushrooms and all that added, I like buying jars of plain sauce and adding to them. Especially since I can’t have beef, and that’s the meat that’s usually added.

Here’s a quick, dramatized rundown of how I cook. I’ve omitted all the cussing. Well. Most of the cussing. This is what it’s supposed to look like when it’s done. Surprise! It’s sauce.

photo 1 (2)

I start with cooking ground turkey in olive oil. I let the oil heat up a little first, because I forget to open the turkey before I turn on the stove so that’s just the natural progression of things.

Then I chop up one red onion, and toss that fucker into the pot.

Note how I’m chopping onions on the stovetop under the fume hood so the evil onion fumes get sucked up and away. Yeah. I’m smart. I went to college.

Then I realize I should have cooked the onions first. Like I realize every single time I make this.

It would have been smarter to cook the onion first. Oh well. My degree is in Criminology, not cooking. I doubt my super Indian parents would have let me go to culinary school. “You want to pay to learn to cook? Your grandma will teach you to cook for free!”

I add copious amounts of minced garlic.

photo 4
I just buy pre-minced jars of garlic. Ain’t nobody got time to be mincing garlic. How do you even mince things?

And then sauce from a jar.

photo 5

Spices because I’m Indian.

photo 2 (2)
Does it bother anyone else that the cayenne is a different brand?

 

Serve over pasta. Or over anything you want, because it’s your sauce, dammit, and nobody can tell you what to do with it.

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