Don’t Talk to Me at the Gym.

I am a grumpy person. More so when it comes to doing things I don’t like to do, like dragging my butt to the gym for an hour. But I do it, because I want to get healthy, and that entails going to the gym on top of eating right.

Now, this gym is mostly empty when I go in the middle of the morning, save for the weightlifters that are on the first level, and the stick-thin suburban football moms who occasionally wander in to walk on the treadmills. I don’t mind them. They’re way on the other side of the cardio deck, and I don’t even have to look at them. The ellipticals are along the railing, with four of them against a wall. I take the very last one against the wall, because I get startled whenever the elevator opens and I feel too exposed when I’m not on the wall. I also get irrationally upset when someone else takes that elliptical, because I feel weird on any other machine. Does anyone else get attached to a particular machine at the gym? Let me know in the comments. When I go to the gym, I get on my elliptical, put in my headphones, and space out for an hour.

Not yesterday. No, not at all.

Yesterday, there was this woman. When I got to the elliptical, she was on the other end of the cardio deck, rocking out to her music on one of those machines that looks like the love child of an elliptical and a stair climber. She looked like she was living in one of those dancing-on-gym-equipment videos, and also a little like a nanny I had during middle school, who was a fire engine red haired ball of crazy.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her moving closer to me. She went from her stepper to a treadmill, then five minutes later, hopped right onto the elliptical next to me, and started talking. The horror. She reached out and tapped on my sweaty elbow, and like a damn fool I took out an earbud. She then proceeded to talk my ear off.

I learned that she recently started going to this gym, she originally went to the one across town but this one was just so much more convenient for her, and the locker room was just so much tidier and my word there are just so many young people at this gym, everyone at her previous gym seemed closer to her age and my goodness the gym fees are ridiculous here and her son who lives in California pays more for his gym but that’s California so what do you expect everything is so expensive there and apparently they are in a drought but so is everyone the world is just heating up and global warming and we just have to do our part to save the environment did you watch Blackfish that was such a good documentary but how bad can SeaWorld actually be I mean it’s just a zoo for water creatures and her husband has had an aquarium for so long does that make him a bad person and-

I put my earbud back in.

She kept talking.

I turned up the volume and went faster on the elliptical.

She kept talking.

I finished on the elliptical, got off, and went to the farthest away treadmill.

She kept talking.

Am I just a super grumpy person? I see people who come to the gym in pairs, and just chat to each other while they do their workout. I don’t see how they can manage that. I feel like if you’re able to carry on a normal conversation without sounding the least bit like you’re dying, you’re not going fast enough. I know I’m not crazy on that point, Desiree agrees with me, and she’s just as sane as I am.

Okay maybe I’m a little crazy.

But still.

All the more reason to not talk to me at the gym.

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